Open Letter to Toxic Friends

Is this about you?

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

One of the worst feelings in the world is getting attacked and chewed out when you feel like you did nothing wrong.

It’s why loyal employees leave. It’s why marriages fail—why relationships deteriorate.

Why is this feeling of being wronged so strong?

When you do something wrong and you acknowledge it and it makes you feel bad. Life can lead to many situations like this, especially for someone like me, who tends to overthink their actions.

I always wonder if I am hurting or acting in the best interest of others. I face punishment for every evil I do, from myself.

This has sometimes led to periods of inaction in my life—I don’t want to do anything for fear that I’ll cause others harm.

So when I’m punished symbolically or for show, this angers me. Especially when I know the other person is just doing it to bully me or vent their frustration.

Punishment for doing wrong can feel unending, so when undue punishment or shaming is added, I find it unacceptable.

Partially because it meddles with my morality. I start to consider if I actually did something wrong in the situation when the other individual is acting on a half-baked assumption.

And sure, people slip up and we have to be forgiving, but when someone constantly is venting their frustrations on you, it’s time to reconsider your relationship with them.

They can only apologize so much for attacking you this way. I forgive them, but at a certain point, there is a limit to what I can take.

My disposition of searching for love, truth, and knowledge is incompatible with someone who can’t control their emotions and constantly seeks to punish others.

I can explain it to them many times, but if they keep doing it, enough is enough.

When a friend actively ignores what you are telling them and transgresses your boundaries, there is a point where it’s unhealthy to continue. Someone who can’t deal with conflict well needs to learn, but it is not our job to teach them this lesson.

Sometimes it must be love at a distance. I suppose that means that your love for that person decreases. My mental health has suffered enough, and I’ve cried at their hands enough. It’s time to distance myself.